Hello, Public School

I looked around the big lunch room, the long never-ending hallways, the dark blue, silver, and white tile. All seemed alien to me. It had been four years since I stepped into a school as a potential student (except for the brief stint in 3rd grade). The blatant difference between this school and my previous school was population.

For the previous four years I had been homeschooled. It was just Lauren, my sister, and I. My mom taught us and sometimes my dad. I loved being homeschooled. But, the time had come for change. In 2003, many events made it necessary for my sister and I to enter public school--specifically financial issues. My mom worked as a CPA for my dad's business now. No more stay-at-home-mom. My dad was just trying to keep his sub-sea drilling censor business alive. Before being homeschooled, we went to a private school, but we could not afford that option now.

This is why I stood here. This is why I stood here in this big, cold, school that had huge windows and kids running around in awkward polo and khaki uniforms. I didn't know how I felt about it. I felt scared, maybe, and just empty. I felt nothing. My best friend who I homeschooled with had moved to Alaska, for the first time I realized how financially unstable my families circumstances were, and other unhappy circumstances made 2003 an unenjoyable year. For now we will focus on the school aspect of that year.

I drew a deep breath as I entered the 6th grade hallway. I had my binder strap on one shoulder and my lunchbox strap on the other. I fumbled with my schedule. I strained to see the last names of teachers printed on white laminated paper stuck to the top of the blue cement bricks. This paper signaled the entrance of the small branching hallways that held the classrooms.

I scowled at my "regular" classes schedule. The Texas School Board did not think my homeschooling education entitled me to "advanced" classes, even though test results said otherwise (can you tell I haven't exactly let this go?). These classes bored me.

The fiery, loud, and outgoing girl changed into a quiet, subdued individual. I learned to stay quiet in class, work hard, and keep ideas to myself. Reading became my favorite class because I could get lost in books. I could forget that year when I read. I became the protagonist in stories when I read. I empathized with their losses and rejoiced with their gains. I loved reading.

I had some friends. The outgoing people who chose to reach out to me became my friends. But I mostly focused on school. My thought process was I must do well in school in intermediate school to do well in high school and get a scholarship so I can go to college. With my families financial circumstances, college became only a hope, not a certainty. I became determined.

Being thrown into public school taught me how to adapt. My financial circumstances and other humbling experiences helped me empathize with other people. This is when I decided I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to help people who felt just as alone as me.